Today was one of those days where it was easy to focus on how hard things can be and the challenges we face as a family. We're currently planning our biggest move yet as Caleb gets out of the military and chooses a career path. We'll finally settle into a place more permanent where we can regularly see family and friends. This has been my dream from the beginning. Right now there are so many questions and different "to do" lists running through my head and my thoughts go a mile a minute. Sometimes I wish I could just shut the darn thing off and breathe. I'm trying to "let go and let God" as my sister so sweetly reminded me this morning. Letting go is the absolute hardest thing for me to do. Hopefully it's something I can accomplish in this lifetime.
We took our youngest to his 9 month well checkup today. He's the smallest of the three, but still a bit of a chunker. We started going through the milestone checklist with our doctor and every time I get this pit in my stomach. Even though I feel like he's developing normally, I always have that seed of doubt in the back of my head. When you have one child with sensory or developmental delays, your chances of having another child with similar challenges go up. Sometimes it's so difficult to really enjoy this first year of our sons life, because I'm constantly waiting to see if he'll advance to the next milestone.
Earlier, before the doctor had come in, a different nurse than we normally have began taking his measurements. The boys were fighting over a toy, and as usual, Ki began hulking out. We typically call him the Hulk, because he can get so angry where he not only tries to hurt himself, but the person who triggered his tantrum- usually his older brother. Anyway, the nurse started to talk to the boys and I simply said that he was nonverbal. She then proceeded to ask me "is he slow?" Now I don't know if this was sheer ignorance, or it just accidentally came out that way. Regardless, it caught completely off guard. To think that that's how some view children who are developmentally delayed in areas or who don't speak is heartbreaking. As his mom, it broke my heart even more because I'm constantly worried how the outside world will treat him just because they don't understand him or the situation. He's such a beautiful child with a beautiful heart who loves to laugh, play, and cuddle with you. If people had the opportunity to spend 5 min with him, they would understand that he's far from "slow", but has different obstacles in life that he's working to overcome.
